Toddler Talk

Carson is talking up a storm.  Chatty Carson.  Nonstop.  It's hilarious and a bit annoying at the same time.  Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that she can now tell me what she wants or needs (sometimes).  And, she can often tell me what hurts - which brings feelings of relief and anti-anxiety I wouldn't trade for anything.  She also has an attitude.  I am often standing there, looking at her, thinking, "Where in the world did she learn that?" 


 The other day, I was picking her up from daycare when a fly buzzed by our heads.  I starting gingerly singing "Shew fly, don't bother me, shew fly, don't bother me.  Sh--"  I was suddenly interrupted by my lovely 19 month old daughter putting her hand on my mouth and saying "Hush, momma."  WHAT?!  She also likes to tell me to stop, although it's "Top Momma" with her hand pushed out like she's directing traffic.  

I've also noticed lately she likes to just say no - for no reason at all.  It didn't matter what I said, she would just contradict me by saying no.  For example,
Me: "Time for bath!"
CH: "NO bath!"
Me: "Time to go!"
CH: "NO go!"
Me: "Time for a cookie!"
CH: "NO cook- cookie?!  Cookie?!  Peez!"  (yes - mom wins again!)

I love watching Carson's little  big personality form.  It makes me proud that she is so social and outspoken, but reminds me I might have to pull her leash a little tighter. :)

Time Flies! (In slow motion)

So you've all heard the cliche saying, "Doesn't time just fly?"  I believe I've already blogged about this topic before, but it took looking at some photos recently for the point to really hit home.  Most people I only see sporadically often say how much Carson has changed.  In fact, my husband used to even say she had grown when he returned from 2-day business trips!  I guess since I'm with her all the time, I don't notice as much.  We took Carson to the park yesterday and put her in the exact same swing that I had taken her to in July 2009.  I couldn't believe what I saw!

I started thinking about all that has happened between these two pictures.  Smiles, giggles, first words, haircuts, kisses and hugs.  Not only has Carson grown, but I've grown so much, too!  We've grown as a family.  

On the other hand, I remember there were some days I thought would never end, some exhausting, sleepless nights, teeth cutting, ear infections, sinus infections, whining and crying.  Those moments sometimes push time into slow motion, causing you to wish these moments away.  

I still haven't mastered the balancing act of "living in the moment" as "time flies", but these pictures definitely brought me to a stop today - hugging onto Carson, and every new moment and memory she creates - a little tighter.  

Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a phenomenon to me.  It's another one of those "jewels" that just seem to appear when you become a mom.  Mine was instant.  I felt like no one else was responsible for taking care of my daughter but me.  I wasn't nervous about anyone else taking care of her, I just felt guilty.  In fact, I have learned that if I ever do have another baby, I will ask - no demand - help as soon as possible, and not feel guilty about it!  I just felt as if Carson was a choice that I made, and she is my responsibility.  I still feel this way at times, and that makes everything more difficult.

Another form of mom guilt comes when you just let your baby cry.  Hey, it happens.  I even read on a website how parents were confessing to certain things, and one mom said, "Sometimes, when the baby is crying in the crib, we close the door, each get a glass of wine, and go on the porch."  I instantly fell in love with this woman.  Thank GOD it's not only me!

In fact, moms unite when it comes to mom guilt.  Me, being the realist, has no problem confessing to leaving my kid in front of the TV for an hour or so.  Yet, I have found that a lot of moms don't admit their mom guilt behaviors unless another mom confesses first.  Well, mommies, I'm here to tell you - I am NOT anywhere near a perfect mom, but I work my butt off, so if Yo Gabba Gabba keeps my kid quiet for 23 minutes SO BE IT!  I'll cherish those 23 minutes, and get on with my life.  Something else I'm not letting myself feel guilty for: I'm sending my kid to daycare for the summer.  Hell, I'm paying for it!  I'm taking that little chick every chance I get!  Even if I come home and watch Bravo for 8 hours, I'll be relaxed, therefore, being a better mom, wife, and generally happier person.   Trust me, if mom isn't happy - NO ONE is happy.  Ask my husband.

I'm still working on my mom guilt.  I feel it will be a lifelong battle.  Right when I feel I've made a breakthrough, it creeps in and rears its ugly head.  I just try to tell myself that no one is perfect, and hopefully Carson won't remember the first two years of her life...here's hoping! (I'm kidding!)

Dog Days

I think it's only appropriate to give a shout out to my sweet dog, Sadie - my first born.  Plus, I have a free moment since I think my kid is eating dog food with Sadie as I type.

Poor Sadie definitely got the back burner when I first brought Carson home.  In fact, I left her at my father-in-law's house for almost two weeks from when I came home from the hospital.  I was in such a daze, I probably would've forgotten about Sadie, but my father-in-law has a male dog, and Sadie went into heat, and had to come home.  Once I had a dramatic meltdown on the phone with my husband, crying, "I can't handle two in diapers!", we had her fixed.  Phew.

Anyways, I had prepped "the meeting" between Sadie and Carson for months prior to Carson's arrival.  Our childbirth class teacher mentioned bringing little items the baby had worn home from the hospital so Sadie would get used to the scent.  She followed that up with the helpful tip to not bring home anything with blood home, or the dog may become aggressive.  Thanks, lady.  Real re-assuring.  Well, to say the least, in our generous 48-hour stay at the hospital, we just didn't have time to bring home the various baby items to Sadie.  Plus, I'm pretty sure I left Carson in the onesie the hospital put her in for the entire 48 hours.  When I finally got the nerve to introduce Carson to Sadie, I swaddled Carson in a soft, pink blanket, and gently took her out to the back porch where Sadie was anxiously wondering why she instantly became an outside dog.  I bent down slowly, and said "Sadie, meet your little sister Carson!"  I held my breath... Sadie snorted on Carson as she sniffed, spraying her with dog snot; then, looked quickly at the back door, then me, pleading, "Can we PLEASE go inside now?"  Ah, memories.

I can't blame Sadie for her lack of interest in Carson.  Because of Carson, I'm pretty sure I only fed Sadie once a week instead of her usual twice a day, all walks came to a complete stop for months, and I considered it a good day if the toilet wasn't her water bowl.

Sadie has been a trooper throughout this adventure.  She got up with me during EVERY (and I do mean every) feeding, no matter what time.  She is my Hoover vacuum.  In fact, I just let her in from the backyard so she and my mom's dog, Sophie, could tackle some chicken fingers and fries that littered the hardwood floors.  Instantly clean - less than a minute!  The same is true for Carson's high chair.  That thing is spotless before I can even get Carson's bib off!

So, this is for you Sadie.  You were there for me when everyone else was sleeping, or out of town.  You always are forgiving, even when I take my frustrations out on you.  You clean up messes, let Carson tug on your tail and ears, and never stopped loving us when we decided to give you a little sister without asking!  One thing's for sure, Carson has fit right in when it comes to loving Sadie.  They are without a doubt, BFF's.

Swagger Wagon

I just love this.  That is all.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Sienna

Hissy Fit

My daughter throws Oscar-winning hissy fits.  It's a new thing, actually.  Not sure where it came from, but rarely a day goes by without my sweet, beautiful daughter throwing herself on the floor and moaning "MAMA!" at the top of her lungs.

The other day, I was feeding Carson's new-found addiction to popsicles.  It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and my husband was doing some projects outside (see previous post), so I decided to let Carson have a popsicle, and I grabbed one for myself.  I gave Carson hers, and as I started to unwrap mine, her other little hand reaches towards my popsicle and she starts her usual "Uh! Uh! Uh!" which is baby-code for "GIVE ME THAT."
In my sweet, soft, patient voice I responded, "You've got your own popsicle, Carson.  See?"  (as I point to her freshly unwrapped frozen treat).
 "Uh! Uh! Uh!"
At little more sternly, "No ma'am Carson, here is yours."
(Carson's face is starting to get red) "UH! UH! UH!"
"Carson, NO!"

Knees hit the floor, arms flair out and hit the ground as if she's praying to Buddha.  Full on tears and desperate moans of "MAMA!  MAMA!"  Wide open mouth and droopy eyes.  One of the most dramatic  performances I've ever seen.

Now, the test of true parenting is whether you give in and give the other popsicle, or ignore the come-apart.  Luckily, sarcasm is a second language to me, and I have a heart of stone, so what do I do?  Try not to laugh hysterically as I leave the room.  Mama -1 Carson-0.  Yet, I've got to keep my game face on, for I know that was only one battle in the ongoing war.

The Great Divide

I need to preface this post by mentioning that my husband is a completely awesome, wonderful, helpful dad, and I wouldn't have survived those first, terribly hard months of a new baby without him.  Ok.  Disclaimer has been posted.  Oh - and high five to all you single parents out there - I seriously have no idea how you do it.  At all.

I am amazed by the status quo "jobs" that fall to the mother and the father after a baby is born.  I mean, I'm not completely naive to the fact that many of the child rearing responsibilities (nursing, cuddling, nurturing) fall upon the mother, but it's not 19 freakin' 50!  I mean it's 2010!  So much is just "expected" of the mom.  I remember my husband saying, "But you're the mom!"  Huh?  Oh wait, let me adjust my pearls while I get the vacuum.

For example, I always (and I do mean ALWAYS) got up with Carson in the middle of the night when she woke up.  My theory behind this was that Bill was working, and I wasn't, so he needed the sleep more than  I did.  Yet, when I went back to work after 6 months, I was STILL the one getting up with Carson!  Also, if Bill wants to spend the day fishing, hunting, or hanging out, it's a simple, "Court, I'm going to fish with _______ and _______."  Now, if I want to just take a shower, or pee, I have to ask Bill to watch Carson!  Or, if I have a PTA meeting, or faculty meeting, I have to "pre-schedule" my husband to watch Carson.

Lately I've also noticed that Bill doesn't want Carson around when he's doing some of his projects or chores around the house (i.e. cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn, wiring something, cleaning dead ducks, fish, birds, etc.  You know, the usual...) which is completely understandable.  Yet, why is it I have a 24 pound ball and chain stuck to my leg screaming "Mama!" as I'm trying to mop?  Or who closes the dishwasher door every time I open it (after grabbing the sharpest steak knife out first, of course!), or pulls wet clothes out of the dryer as I put them in, and who pulls an entire roll of toilet paper off the roll as you try to blow-dry your hair!

I swear I'm not bitter!  I will end this post by once again emphasizing the point that I have a wonderful, supportive husband, and I am very lucky.  I have friends whose husbands don't lift a finger when it comes to child-rearing.  I guess I was just shocked at the amount of particular "responsibilities" fall under the job of Mama.  Just one more thing about motherhood that I've found surprising, and I'm sure it's not the last!