I need to preface this post by mentioning that my husband is a completely awesome, wonderful, helpful dad, and I wouldn't have survived those first, terribly hard months of a new baby without him. Ok. Disclaimer has been posted. Oh - and high five to all you single parents out there - I seriously have no idea how you do it. At all.
I am amazed by the status quo "jobs" that fall to the mother and the father after a baby is born. I mean, I'm not completely naive to the fact that many of the child rearing responsibilities (nursing, cuddling, nurturing) fall upon the mother, but it's not 19 freakin' 50! I mean it's 2010! So much is just "expected" of the mom. I remember my husband saying, "But you're the mom!" Huh? Oh wait, let me adjust my pearls while I get the vacuum.
For example, I always (and I do mean ALWAYS) got up with Carson in the middle of the night when she woke up. My theory behind this was that Bill was working, and I wasn't, so he needed the sleep more than I did. Yet, when I went back to work after 6 months, I was STILL the one getting up with Carson! Also, if Bill wants to spend the day fishing, hunting, or hanging out, it's a simple, "Court, I'm going to fish with _______ and _______." Now, if I want to just take a shower, or pee, I have to ask Bill to watch Carson! Or, if I have a PTA meeting, or faculty meeting, I have to "pre-schedule" my husband to watch Carson.
Lately I've also noticed that Bill doesn't want Carson around when he's doing some of his projects or chores around the house (i.e. cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn, wiring something, cleaning dead ducks, fish, birds, etc. You know, the usual...) which is completely understandable. Yet, why is it I have a 24 pound ball and chain stuck to my leg screaming "Mama!" as I'm trying to mop? Or who closes the dishwasher door every time I open it (after grabbing the sharpest steak knife out first, of course!), or pulls wet clothes out of the dryer as I put them in, and who pulls an entire roll of toilet paper off the roll as you try to blow-dry your hair!
I swear I'm not bitter! I will end this post by once again emphasizing the point that I have a wonderful, supportive husband, and I am very lucky. I have friends whose husbands don't lift a finger when it comes to child-rearing. I guess I was just shocked at the amount of particular "responsibilities" fall under the job of Mama. Just one more thing about motherhood that I've found surprising, and I'm sure it's not the last!
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Umm my husband does the same thing!!! (Disclamer" my husband is wonderful also, he helps a lot with Brett and now that he is getting older and Luke can play more with him, its better) My favorite thing is when he comes home from work, (by which point I am desperate for some adult conversation and some help with my crazy active little boy) and says "I have to go lay down for a while and take a nap, I'm exausted!" Seriously!? I have done more by 9 o'clock in the morning (Note: He does not even get up until 8:45am which for me is beyond sleeping in) than he does all day! He also has this delusion that I sleep when Brett sleeps during the day. No no, that is when I do the things I need to do without him- shower, run on the tredmill etc. When he does watch Brett, its often as though he feels that he is "babysitting". I have come home from work on a Saturday night after work at 9 pm and Brett will not have eaten dinner or had a bath. Needless to say we have had several come-to-Jesus meetings about this. Things are much better but I totally agree that men still think that anything "baby or child" is for the mother. I've already given him the heads up that potty training our little boy is all his....
ReplyDeletePreach it sister!!! I can follow you word for word here and match it with a 4yr old! I've been trying to tell Robbie these same things for the last 4yrs, and he doesn't get it. He wants to go golfing (his fishing) and he just says, I'm going golfing. I want to go play bunco w/my neighborhood ladies, and I have to make sure he doesn't have any plans, remind him about it at least 5 times that week not to include the call to make sure he is coming home in time for me to go, and that something didn't "come up" at work. Then I have to either feed or arrange food for both kids and have everything laid out just so before I go! I mean seriously!!! Don't even get me started on the not doing stuff around the house w/the kids in tow! He was in the bathroom w/me this weekend while I was in the "toilet" room trying to use the bathroom, in the meantime, both girls managed to find me and drove me crazy the entire time I was trying to do my business! I couldn't even pull my pants up w/out pulling Kate off of my leg!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all this to say, you are not alone, and I loved your post!! I'll be showing to Robbie this evening!
As the "completely awesome, wonderful, helpful dad," I would like to respond to some of the accusations mentioned by my wonderfully terrific, completely awesome wife and non-bitter mother of our daughter, Carson.
ReplyDelete#1 I changed Carson's first diaper! Doesn't that count for something?
#2 For you to say that you were the parent that "always" got up in the middle of the night when Carson woke up infers that I never did. You may have taken on this responsibility 96%-97% of the time. Maybe even 98% of the time. However, I will never agree with 100%...NEVER!
#3 I come from a long line of hunter-gatherers for which I am not ashamed. You look upon the time I spend fishing and hunting as time spent involved in a leisure activity. Just once I would like for you to see these activities as I do. For me these activities are a natural response to my commitment to providing sustenance for my family. A commitment that runs very deep within me. (Also, I'm 37 years old. "Hanging out" with friends is no longer in my vocabulary.)
#4 "Cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn, wiring something, cleaning dead ducks, fish, birds, etc." are not projects for 14 month old daughters to be involved in. However, by the time she is 5 years old, Carson will know how to: bait her own hook, mow the lawn, filet a crappie, start a campfire, gut a deer, breast a mallard, install an electrical outlet, split firewood, clean a 12 gauge, install Victualic couplings, change the oil in her Mom's 4-wheeler, blow a duck call, change spark plugs, weed-eat, grow a garden, paint, sharpen a knife, drive her Mom's boat, and spit.
#5 When it comes to "responsibilities" that fall under the job of Daddy, they become more serious as she grows older and boys enter the picture. For example, Carson's not yet 15 months old and I'm already on the lookout for some punk kid named Bert that is sending her love letters!
To wrap this response up, please know that the "jobs" you perform as Mama do not go unnoticed. I am very thankful to have you as my wife and blessed to have you as my partner in raising our little lady.